Husband is out town so it's just me and the kids. We all got up at 6:20 which pisses me off because it's inhuman and always caused by the crack-of-dawn baby. Listen baby, the rest of us would like to sleep in until 7. And yes, I'm pathetic enough to consider 7 late and luxurious.

Anyway, I am still bitter and tired. Baby starts screaming"kaka kaka kaka" which to most people would mean"dude, I shit my pants" but at our house is "cracker". We don't have any crackers so I opt for cheerios. She sweeps them off the table with her arm as I imagine supermodel Naomi Campbell doing with ugly jeans and screams"KAKA" while simultaneously spitting out the apple she'd demanded earlier.

I haven't had coffee yet.

I look over and note that our dog is hiding behind the end table shivering. She's not afraid of the baby. No, she's terrified of miscellaneous sounds, unidentifiable to anyone else. Perhaps there is clicking, maybe a beep, either way I am now wondering if I should give her the anti-anxiety meds our vet prescribed. I also can't help but consider popping one myself.

"KAKA"

The boy is picking his nose again. The baby has opened the hall closet and dumped out all the shoes in the middle of the hallway.

I forgot to turn on the coffee pot. It's only 7. Is that too early to start texting friends in a desperate plea for help. I just want coffee. My brain is not functioning. If the demand for crackers doesn't stop I might cry. Why the fuck is the dog still shivering in the corner.

"KAKA"